The Best Teen Ever

by Erica Rzepecki, WH Morden

International; Gifted; Athletic. And just thirteen years old.  Kcott Paul Schiffner (pronounced Scott Pa-ool Shkeef-nair) is undeniably a teen on the road to success.

The choice for the young person worthy of the title “Best Teen Ever” is obvious.  Rebecca Black, Schiffner’s unofficial opposition, has composed a song aimed at teens that teaches them the days of the week. An outstanding accomplishment, but it pales in comparison to those of Schiffner.  Recently, Schiffner’s hockey team won a championship – something he is extremely proud of.

But it doesn’t stop there.  Schiffner is among the top students of his age academically as well.  Currently attending WH Morden Public School’s Gifted program in hometown Oakville Ontario, Schiffner is learning amongst many other highly-able students.  On the subject, Kcott says, “I don’t feel like I’m gifted because I haven’t received any gift. I’ve worked for everything I have.”

Schiffner also has a unique personality.  His dream job would be to be associated with the NHL- as a player, general manager, or otherwise. He would like to live in Ottawa when he is older, because it “seems like it would be a good place for a family”. Schiffner currently plays the flute and trumpet in school.

So this Friday, elect Kcott Schiffner as “The Best Teen Ever”. Student, friend, teammate, brother; all adds up to one amazing teen.

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The Annoying Person Early Warning System II XR5190 (advertisement)

by Dirk Grebenc, W.H. Morden

Do you know an annoying person? Co-workers? Relatives? Camp counsellors? Do their very presence make you want to tear your hair out? Yes? Do you also like advanced technology? Then the EAPWS II XR5190 may be right for you!

The EAPWS II XR5190 is a revolutionarily simple device that puts the power in YOUR hands and gives you an early warning whenever an annoying person is near.

Set up is simple. Simply strap the device onto the neck of the annoying individual. With luck, they might-not-maybe notice.

Now that the device is installed, anytime an annoying person comes near you our patented early detection alarm will sound and alert you of their presence. Allowing you to escape out a near-by window.

The EAPWS II XR5190 can be yours for a low-low price, which we shall not specify due to false advertising lawsuits.

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Keegan McEwen – An Amazing Athlete and a Stellar Student…All this, and only 12 years old

by Spencer VanDerStarren, Grade 8, Queen Elizabeth Senior Public School- Program for the Arts

Prepare to familiarize yourself with the name Keegan McEwen. McEwen is easily the best teen in the world. He is very athletic, intelligent and is very charismatic. He is the product of an electrical engineer and a health care manager. Keegan flies much higher than the competition, leaving them in his dust.

McEwen is an expert soccer player. He plays for the Oakville A team, as a wing. He also swims during the summers, and during the winters he enjoys curling. McEwen started these sports at a very young age, and it shows both on the field and in stats.

Academics is yet another area where McEwen excels. McEwen is a gifted scholar, and has attended such prestigious events as the SEEDS program at Queen’s University.

Hardened traumatic experiences- like having a spider fall on his face at age six- McEwen has a very strong personality. He is tough, but also caring. He has a large group of friends, and says he “prefers it that way.”

One of McEwen’s nicknames is ‘Spitfire’ because the way he acts is similar to the way the Spitfire war plane was designed to fly- quick and confident.


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Creative Writing Activity

by Spencer VanDerStarren

General observations (5 minutes)
-An aged man walks proudly toward the graduation hall, dressed almost entirely in blue
-An old Queen’s truck drives by, odd ticking noise comes and goes with it
-Queen’s flag billow atop clock tower, its bright hues of red, gold and blue strong against the faded sky
-A man naps on the step, safely away from the loud bunch of kids that is my class, smart man
-An old man cloaked in the colours of the university walks across the street without glancing at the oncoming traffic

Hearing only (5 minutes)
-Birds, that I was previously unaware of, suddenly fill my ears
-The hydraulics of a truck are released, sending out a ‘gasp-like’ sound
-Wind blowing my paper
-If I strain, I can hear the scratching of pen on paper from my fellow classmates
-The clicking of pens each time someone hears something new
-People discuss the prices of flowers from the stand across the street
-I try my best to block the sounds of the passing cars and trucks, but I find it to be impossible
-The opening of the large doors at the front of the hall

Detailed description of an object outdoors (5 minutes)
The butt of a cigarette lies between the cracks of the brickwork. Browned towards the end, it lies squished and still. White speckles litter its paper, perhaps where the elements have gotten to it. The ash leaks onto the ground, seemingly still oozing. A small wasp hovers around it, avoided it to its best ability.

Wind is frustrating.

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The Flower (Detail writing)

by Scott Schiffner, Grade 8, W.H. Morden

A beautiful flower sits on the hard, rough concrete.  The marvelous bloom starts in a narrow cylindric shape and then blossoms out into 6 curved petals.  The petals appear to be thinner than paper and are the slightest bit fuzzy.  There are slight indents in line fashion along the back of the flower and the middle looks like it used to contain nectar, as a golden powder litters the inside of the cone shaped marvel.  The beating sun shining against the ivory petals almost caused the flower to disappear and drift away with the wind.

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Rider (Creative Writing)

by Jane Jacobs, Falgarwood Public School, Oakville, Ontario

It was a sunny day. No clouds, warm weather, and a comforting breeze that rippled the grass in the Courtyard. The weather was perfect, actually.

Jonas stood in front of the stable, his hand shielding his eyes from the glare of the sun. Although it was morning, he was already sweating under his stiff leather chest guard; the itch was starting to get on his nerves. If he was not afraid of breaking his bones, he would do away with them completely.

From behind, he felt something nudging him slightly. He turned around, his eyes meeting Faewin’s large amber ones. The dragon’s wings rustled impatiently as he nudged Jonas again. Jonas grinned, brushing his brownish hair out of his eyes.

“Are you ready, Fae?” Jonas asked, scratching the dragon’s head. Faewin closed his eyes, grinning his goofy grin through his leather bridle. Like a dog, his tongue hung out of his mouth slightly.

A whistle sounded from the Training Field. It was time for the test, the reason why the Riders were there. Jonas took Faewin’s reins, forcing his trembling fingers to close around them; they were smooth, and just a shade browner than the dragon’s reptilian hide. He gently pulled on them to get Faewin to follow him.

The stable was perched on a hill; although it probably could not be called a hill because of the slight incline. More specifically, is was a slight mound just to the left of the Courtyard where it could easily be viewed from the dormitories. There were no pathways to it, as the rough cobblestones were hard on the feet of the dragons.

The Training Field, build behind the stable, was nothing more than what the name implied; a large expanse of carefully cropped grass, often scattered with various kinds of equipment. Bain, Dax, Norie, Rand, and Theo were already there, along with the rather overweight Professor Fletcher.

Edaen, Bain’s drake, was standing half-crouched as his poisonous yellow eyes followed Jonas and Faewin with a menacing stare. His fanged was mouth slightly open in a small snarl.

“Alright, boys,” Professor Fletcher said loudly. Norie, the only girl, glared at him. “Today we are going to see what we have managed to cram into your minds. We will see if you are able to ride, and remain upon, your dragons. This is a difficult feat, and those that are unable will be severely reprimanded.”

Jonas caught the eyes of Dax and Theo and managed not to grin. Professor Fletcher may have seemed intimidating at first, but he was not the kind to punish his students; when he was not yelling, he was the biggest coward that Jonas had ever met.

Then he met Bain’s gaze, and he faltered. Bain was watching him with the same look that Edaen was giving Faewin. The chilling look sent a chill down his spine; I am better, and I will crush you to get to the top.

The first was Norie and Egwen. Jonas felt slightly awed as he watched them in their aerial dance; Egwen, a water dragon, flew as though she was swimming. Her frilled tail flared in the breeze as she and Norie went through the air doing loops, swirls, and steep drops.

“Excellent work, Norilen,” Professor Fletcher said when they landed, marking something down on his clipboard. “Best work I’ve seen in a long time.”

Norie grinned modestly, but Jonas knew that she was bursting with pride inside. He was probably going to get an earful of a first-hand account from her at lunch, and he knew that he would have to look interested. Girls were like that.

Next were Theo and Lorelei’n. Theo, a rather shy, timid boy, turned a delicate shade of green that almost matched the colour of his dragonelle.

But, it had to be admitted that he did a rather good job. Dragonelles were known to be rather ungainly in the air, as all bipedal dragons were, and Lorelei’n was not the most balanced. Even the Professor had to give him an appreciative comment when Theo returned to earth.

Then, it was Jonas. His throat dry, he settled into Faewin’s saddle. Over time, as he had been using it the saddle had moulded to fit his body. It was much more comfortable than it had been on the first day.

“Up,” he said shakily, jerking Faewin’s reins. There was a pause as Faewin unfurled his wings. Jonas could feel his heart thumping as Faewin crouched…

Then, with a mighty flap he felt them soaring upwards in a roar of wind. The ground was ten feet below, then twenty, then thirty… Jonas suppressed an urge to yell as the Academy was reduced to a few reddish buildings and a field, as they burst through a wet, white cloud. This was nothing like what he had imagined, this was…

Faewin was straining, his mighty black wings beating until it was the only sound that Jonas could hear.

“Faewin,” Jonas managed to say. His hand pulled on the rope, urging the massive beast into a loop. He passed out for a second as the blood rushed to his head, and he had to pause for a second to pace himself.

The rest was a blur of movement and an occasional rumble from Faewin. Jonas was automatic, watching himself twitch the reins and nudging with his feet. When he finally ran out of moves, he had to laugh.  “We did it, buddy!” he shouted triumphantly. Faewin screeched happily, his amber eyes glowing brighter. This was nothing like what Jonas had imagined.

It was better.

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Radio Ad=Reverse Gravitational Sphere

By Jane Jacobs, of Falgarwood Public School, Oakville, Ontario

Are you often bored? Do you enjoy big, fancy-sounding words? Do you want something to waste those minutes away with? Do you love llamas?


You can throw it at your friends! You can throw it at your enemies! You can throw it at this sack of potatoes! The possibilities are endless!

Amaze your friends with gravity defying feats! What other sphere shoots out of your hands at amazing speeds, only to stop and come right back at you? So buy your Reverse Gravitational Sphere today, at any store that sells horrible trash, I mean wonderful whatsits! Buy one, and you will NOT, repeat NOT, get your very own Horizontal Gravitational Ovaloid, known in America as a fooot-ball! This is a $4.99 value for, no not $10.99, not $15.99, but $49.99!


(Disclaimer: This product is not made for human contact. May contain traces of Mexican cheese and/or Bavarian engine fluid. Do not handle without proper equipment. May cause rashes, burns, mild seizures, violent sneezing and/or mild foot fungus. If above occurs, consult Poison Control immediately).

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