by Sebastian Hoeher, St. Gregory the Great
Are you sick and tired of pests like ants and fleas stealing your possesions? Well, no more! Folks, it’s time to intruduce This Thing! The This Thing! has been made extremely durable for all your pest capturing needs! Just take your This Thing! and entrap an insect in it’s cuplike features. The pest will suffocate within the This Thing! within the hour. Once the pest is dead, leave its body out by your front door or hanging on a clothesline as a warning to other pests.
The This Thing! is extremely helpful for getting rid of: fleas, ants, wasps, spiders and telemarketers! Your This Thing! is very easy to wash. Just run it under some water, add a little soap and voila! Your This Thing! is good as new.
Think the wonders are over yet! Think again! The This Thing! is now on sale for a half price of $9.99! Never will prices be this low! It’s not over yet! If you order now, in the next two minutes, you can get a free That Generically Named Gas Machine! Just stick it in the walls, evacuate the house and within ten minutes, everything inside is as a good as dead! So order now, and you can get your This Thing! and That Generically Named Gas Machine! now!
Call now at 905 – 666 – 8512 to contact Your Generic Superstore!™