By Jane Jacobs, of Falgarwood Public School, Oakville, Ontario
Are you often bored? Do you enjoy big, fancy-sounding words? Do you want something to waste those minutes away with? Do you love llamas?
Then you need the REVERSE GRAVITATIONAL SPHERE!
You can throw it at your friends! You can throw it at your enemies! You can throw it at this sack of potatoes! The possibilities are endless!
Amaze your friends with gravity defying feats! What other sphere shoots out of your hands at amazing speeds, only to stop and come right back at you? So buy your Reverse Gravitational Sphere today, at any store that sells horrible trash, I mean wonderful whatsits! Buy one, and you will NOT, repeat NOT, get your very own Horizontal Gravitational Ovaloid, known in America as a fooot-ball! This is a $4.99 value for, no not $10.99, not $15.99, but $49.99!
So BUY. ONE. TODAAAAAAAAY!!!
(Disclaimer: This product is not made for human contact. May contain traces of Mexican cheese and/or Bavarian engine fluid. Do not handle without proper equipment. May cause rashes, burns, mild seizures, violent sneezing and/or mild foot fungus. If above occurs, consult Poison Control immediately).